Kiddies

My students just keep the gems coming.

"Are you going to have your baby soon??"
me: "Yeah- probably in just a few weeks!"
"Good, I was going to say you look really fat, but then thought that wouldn't be polite. Plus I know it's the baby that's making you fat."
Nice. save.

"Did you hear that!?"
me: "Hear what?"
"I just heard your baby crying!" [He comes over and puts his head on my belly]
me: "I don't think she can cry yet."
"She is! You just have to listen!"


"I was so big when I was born that my mom had to have a seizure."
me: "A seizure or a c-section?"
"Umm I don't know, one of those."
I really hope her mom didn't have a seizure when she was born.


"The baby eats whatever you eat, so that's why pregnant people shouldn't have beer right?"
me: "Right."
"What about vodka, or whiskey, or bourbon. My dad drinks a lot of bourbon, is that bad?"
me: "Well your dad's not pregnant."
"He smokes cigars too, you should try it sometime after the baby is born, he really likes it."


I don't need to look in the mirror anymore, because they'll let me know exactly how bad or good I look the second they see me.

"You look different."
me: "Is it because my hair is up in a bun?"
"No...[pauses to think]. It looks like your hair is like exploding out of your head, I think that's why."

"Your lipstick reminds me of a queen."
me: "Oh that's nice of you, thanks."
"An evil queen."


One of my students clearly had "the talk" with her mom recently and was a little over anxious to ask me allllll about how exactly I ended up with this baby inside and how it was going to come out. Some of her questions were so beyond awkward that I would actually feel uncomfortable typing them up, but a few snippets of the conversation:

"How come you keep saying, 'That's really personal, you can talk to your mom about that'? Obviously everybody here was born which means everybody had to do it so why can't we all just talk about it?"

"You have 3 bumps on the front since you're pregnant."
me: ".....yep......"
"My mom said when I'm 13 I'll get 2 bumps."

She kept scooting her chair closer to mine, and when I looked down she had both hands planted firmly on my stomach. The first time she did this, I gave her kind of a funny look and she just said, "I want to be pregnant SO BAD!"

Ever since the kids found out I was pregnant and I've been showing them what size fruit the baby is now, they have asked me every single week if it's the size of a melon yet. The last few weeks have been different types of melons, so they cheer every time I tell them. I love it.